Funny Quotes

Let this collection of funny quotes bring a smile to your face, and also we hope you find the wisdom in them. We all need smiles and laughter in our everyday lives.

"It's funny how we don't like to hear correction as children, but later on when we begin to experience our own lives; we will understand the purpose of the training and correction." Diane Winbush, Reflections of A Father
Children   |  

"Spring is the time of year when it is summer in the sun and winter in the shade."
Charles Dickens, Great Expectations
Inspirational Quotes  |

"Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping."
Bo Derek
Happy  |

Watch something funny. Laughter is great medicine, especially for what worries you.  Michelle Stewart
"Watch something funny. Laughter is great medicine, especially for what worries you."
Michelle Stewart, De-Stress Your Life
Worry   |  

"A business like an automobile, has to be driven, in order to get results."
BC Forbes
Determination   |  

"You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water."
Rabindranath Tagore
Action   |  

"Without a plan of action to put how a dream is envisioned to play out is like pouring out of picture of water on the ground and expecting it to stay in on the surface of the ground."
Catherine Pulsifer, Living The Dream
Dream  |

"The Queen of Hearts is, of course, Lucille Ball. Her funniness and lovability charmed I Love Lucy fans in the 1950's and still appeals in today's syndicated re-runs."
Susan Horowitz, Queens of Comedy: Lucille Ball, Phyllis Diller, Carol Burnett, Joan Rivers, and the New Generation of Funny Women
Lucille Ball   |  

"I am not funny. My writers were funny. My direction was funny. The situations were funny. But I am not funny. I am not funny. What I am is brave."
Lucille Ball
Courage   |  

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. Maya Angelou
"I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one."
Maya Angelou
Attitude   |  

"Women are like teabags. We don't know our true strength until we are in hot water!"
Eleanor Roosevelt
Overcoming   |  

"Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair."
George Burns
Wise   |  

"If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?"
Albert Einstein
Top Ten Quotes   |  

"Never rest on your laurels. Nothing wilts faster than a laurel sat upon."
Mary Kay Ash
Famous Quotes   |  

"How can they say my life is not a success? Have I not for more than sixty years gotten enough to eat and escaped being eaten?"
Logan Pearsall Smith
Age   |  

"I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one."
Clarence Darrow
Friend   |  

"Visualize something totally funny or crazy! This will instantly change how you feel because you can't visualize two things at the same time."
Mark Snyder, Developing Good Habits
Vision   |  

"The truth can be funny but it's not funny to cover up the truth."
Ryan Cooper, Difficult People: Ultimate Dealing With Difficult People Guide!
Honesty   |  

Cause your facial expression to change - smile. Catherine Pulsifer
"Cause your facial expression to change - smile."
Catherine Pulsifer
Change  |  

"Heaven grant us patience with a man in love."
Rudyard Kipling
Patience  |  

"To keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup; whenever you're wrong, admit it, whenever you're right, shut up."
Ogden Nash
Marriage  |  

"From his neck down a man is worth a couple of dollars a day, from his neck up he is worth anything that his brain can produce."
Thomas Edison
Genius  |  

"If your capacity to acquire has outstripped your capacity to enjoy, you are on the way to the scrap-heap."
Glen Buck
Funny Quotes about Life   |  

"What happens at Grandma's . . . stays at Grandma's."
Grandmother   |  

"Interest without activity is similar to having a vehicle that is out of gas - it won't take you anyplace."
Eimantas Gabalis, How To Get Smarter
The Waste You Regret   |  

"Our minds are like monkeys, swinging from one thought to another like monkeys on a tree. As a result, we always feel as if a sense of order, balance, awareness and concentration elude us, because we are always doing, always acting."
Debeena Harris, Mindfulness: Mindfulness For Beginners
Positive Thinking Quotes   |  

"See the world like a big wardrobe. Everybody has his own costume. There is only one that fits you perfectly."
George Harris, Don't Wait For Your Life To Start
Good   |  

Turning our abilities from stagnate puddles to rushing rivers can happen when we apply ourselves to the task. Warren Philip Gates
"Turning our abilities from stagnate puddles to rushing rivers can happen when we apply ourselves to the task."
Warren Philip Gates, Success and the Powerful Introvert
Positive   |  

"Three groups spend other people's money: children, thieves, politicians. All three need supervision."
Dick Armey
Wealth   |  

"You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms to full to embrace the present."
Jan Glidewell
Forgiveness   |  

"Imagine what we would achieve if we had the spiders' determination?"
Elles Lohuis, The Little Guide to Setting Intentions
Achievement   |  

"Commitments don't have to be chains. They can be rich with meaning. They can be the wings on which our spirits soar."
Marilyn Mason, Ph. D., Seven Mountains, Life Lessons from a Climber's Journal
Commitment   |  

Live like you golf. Don't forget to follow through. Author Unknown
"Live like you golf. Don't forget to follow through."
Author Unknown
Persistence   |  

"Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him."
Groucho Marx
Fate   |  

"Some people seem to go through life standing at the complaint counter."
Fred Propp Jr
Complaining   |  

"Don't let anyone become a vacuum and suck the happiness out of you - pull the plug."
Author Unknown
Happiness   |  

"At times I was arrogant and other times I had the lowest self-esteem ever. It is a funny thing to have to remind yourself pride comes before the fall and then other times have to remind yourself you are God's masterpiece."
Mandy Fender, Beautifully Broken: Giving God the Broken Pieces
God   |  

"When you choose relationships, look for people with a sense of humor. If you are around others who are funny and lighthearted, you are more likely to find yourself relaxed and enjoying a good laugh."
Ace McCloud, Forgiveness: The Healing Power Of Forgiveness
Relax   |  

A funny thing happens when we start keeping promises to ourselves - we become unstoppable. Ken Fite
"A funny thing happens when we start keeping promises to ourselves - we become unstoppable."
Ken Fite, The Dash: Lessons in Life, Faith, and Purpose
Purpose   |  

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
Laurence J. Peter
Future   |  

"Instead of buying new cards each year, reuse old Christmas cards that you have been given. Get creative and funny, cross out the old sections of handwriting and add your own."
Henry Owen, How to Have a Green Christmas
Christmas   |  

"Remember that sometimes people laugh when something is actually funny, but often they laugh when they lack the imagination to understand the situation."
John Barrett, SoS-Life Enhancement
Laughter   |  

"One of the most successful ways companies get the consumer's attention is by presenting the product in a funny or emotional way."
Arlene Battishill, Retail Shock Therapy
Success   |  

Humor oils the wheels of life and helps to keep it running smoothly. Dorothea Kopplin
"Humor oils the wheels of life and helps to keep it running smoothly."
Dorothea Kopplin, Something to Live By
Life   |  

"Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?"
RAJ Phillips
Humor   |  

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