Too Late I See

I am finding that as I age, I am becoming more of a thinker. There are so many things I wish I had known. Things that I believe would have helped in raising my children.

I was the Mother of two children. Both of which were so different. My daughter was responsive to reprimanding. She tried to be obedient. My son was defiant and disobedient. He was destructive and would purposely destroy his toys.

I think that somehow I should have known something was wrong. As my son aged, I remember, he was not a happy child.

I was raised in the old school, in which boys worked with their Fathers and girls worked with their Mothers. My daughter had no problem with this system. My son did not like it at all. He seemed to enjoy being in the house with me. He resented having to work with his Father in the family business or repair vehicles, etc. He would complain and become very angry. On numerous occasions, I tried to explain to him that all the knowledge and skills he learned as a young man would be of great benefit to him when he went out into the work force.

As a teenager my son had social difficulties. Then he met a young lady with a child. For the first time I truly seen him happy. It was such a pleasure to watch him enjoying his life and the lives of the people who were a part of it.

Then one day, this young lady rejected him and told him the relationship was over. His purpose for living had ended. Rejection was not something he was able to handle. So he ended his own life.

For all of the people that love him, our worlds were turned upside down.

Guilt, pain, anger, lack of understanding, the desire to blame one another, were only a few of the overwhelming feelings flooding our minds.

Even though times were different then, I still wish I had known about depression. I feel guilty sometimes because I feel like I let him down, and that there was something more I could have or should have done to have helped him. I know that help was not readily available then as it is today, but too late I finally see the signs I only wished I had recognized and understood back then.

I would like to take this opportunity to tell all of you parents and grandparents, if you see any behavioural issues in your children that concern you, please follow your instincts. Take them to the doctor. Don't hesitate. Also, be there for them. Spend good quality time with them. Make every second count. Talk with them, go for walks with them, listen to them, really hear what they have to say. See and hear what they do through their young eyes and ears. Be the best role models you can be. Believe me when I tell you, after the empty nest syndrome, you will have plenty of time to sit, relax, watch tv, use the computer, read or like me---think.

And when you think of this story, please think of me and whisper a prayer for me and all the people that have lost loved ones to suicide. Pray that God will help us that we won't be so sad and that it won't hurt so much. Pray that every day when we miss them so much that God will help us to focus on the happy memories. Pray that God will give us the strength to make it through each day. And most of all, please pray for anyone that may feel a sense of hopelessness. Pray that God will restore in them the desire to hold on to God's unchanging hand. Because if they can do that, they will see purpose for their lives. They will be able to see that there is hope for a brighter tomorrow.