Being Someone Else
How do you deal with difficult people. The wisdom in this thoughts gives suggestions but the main point is be yourself.
Being Someone Else
Author: Catherine Pulsifer, ©2012
It isn't always easy to get along with certain people no matter how hard you try. The greatest difficulty arises when you need to conform exactly to the other person's expectations in order to keep the relationship alive. In this case, what you are doing is to become someone you are not - you are not able to be yourself or to express your true and genuine feelings, thoughts, or concerns.
The real problem with adopting this kind of attitude and characteristic is that you always have to watch everything you say, everything you do, and compromise your true self. The compromise necessary for some or any of these relationships can be a real test of how desperate you are to maintain, at the very least, some element of communication.
But, if you compromise to the extreme where you cannot be yourself, you have to ask the question, is it worth it?
One thing I have learned over the years is that to be something you are not or to pretend you are one way outwardly but totally different inwardly, or at home, or with everyone else but a few, you are causing inner emotional turmoil. And, sooner or later, when you meet with that particular person, you probably will slip up and be your real self. So, again, is it worth it?
Be honest with yourself. If you have to change that you are for just one other person, it probably means that you shouldn't. If everyone takes you as you are, then if that particular person cannot accept you, it is his or her problem, his or her issue, and not yours.
If you still want to communicate with that particular person, you could try a couple of things. First of all, you can gradually introduce your true feelings into the conversation when you feel there is a right time and this time may be when they express their feelings about something that is rather non-controversial like the traffic, the weather, or the latest sports news on favorite sporting teams. Keep it light and non-confrontational.
Another strategy is to find common ground, if you can, where both of you have the same opinion. In this way, you will have a starting point to further communication after setting the tone in a positive agreeable way.
Be real, be yourself, be open to others because we are all different but that does not mean that you take on the role like an actor every time you meet
Do not ever give up though who you really are. The vital part of any person is the truth within. You cannot compromise to the point where you are no longer true to your own inner self. Some people believe that it is possible to be one kind of person at work, and another kind of person away from the workplace. I can tell you that this is a situation that will eventually lead you to be confused as to which part you are playing at the time. Unless you are an actor, you will not be able to maintain the difference between home and work.
The consistency in your person from home to work is vitally important so that you are in total balance at all times. Being out of balance means that your true self will start to be confused with what you pretend to be. The only real strategy is to be who you are wherever you are. Several people I have known during my past career have tried to be something that was required at work that was totally opposed to who they really were. And, I can say categorically that this approach did not work at all.
If you find yourself in a situation that calls for you to change your stripes, do not do it. You will regret it.
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