201 Funny Quotes

Let this collection of funny quotes bring a smile to your face - you can find laughter and wisdom in these inspirational quotes. You may find some of them to be motivational because they challenge you thinking in a humorous way but also in a motivating way. Find that favorite funny quote and let it be your quote of the day to inspire and motivate you or read our Funny Quote of The Day.

  1. The distinguishing mark of man is the hand, the instrument with which he does all his mischief. George Orwell
    Quote of the Day

  2. You cannot soar with the eagles as long as you hang out with the turkeys. Joel Osteen
    Words of Encouragement

  3. I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. Woody Allen

  4. Who learns and learns,
    Nor acts on what he knows,
    Is one who ploughs and ploughs,
    But never takes the time to sow.
    Author Unknown
    Funny Poems

  5. Spring is the time of year when it is summer in the sun and winter in the shade. Charles Dickens, Great Expectations
    Inspirational Quotes

  6. Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping. Bo Derek

  7. The fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from one who does. Proverb
    Funny Proverbs

  8. Lower your expectations of earth. This isn't heaven, so don't expect it to be. Max Lucado
    Motivational Quotes about Life

  9. Watch something funny. Laughter is great medicine, especially for what worries you.  Michelle Stewart
  10. Watch something funny. Laughter is great medicine, especially for what worries you. Michelle Stewart, De-Stress Your Life

  11. Procrastination is an art form that is less desirable than painting a detailed landscape using a three inch wide brush. Byron Pulsifer

  12. Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'! Audrey Hepburn

  13. Asking is the beginning of receiving. Make sure you don't go to the ocean with a teaspoon. At least take a bucket so the kids won't laugh at you. Jim Rohn

  14. "If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito." Bette Reese
    Funny Graduation Quotes

  15. No one has ever become poor by giving. Anne Frank

  16. There are no traffic jams along the extra mile. Roger Staubach
    Daily Motivation

  17. A business like an automobile, has to be driven, in order to get results. BC Forbes

  18. You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water. Rabindranath Tagore

  19. Without a plan of action to put how a dream is envisioned to play out is like pouring out of picture of water on the ground and expecting it to stay in on the surface of the ground. Catherine Pulsifer, Living The Dream

  20. Negative people aren~ez_rsquo~t concentrating their bad energy to be shared with only you. ... Mosquitos aren~ez_rsquo~t going to bite just you; they are going to go after the easiest available blood. Barb Bailey, How to Detach from Negative People
    Negative People Quotes

  21. I am not funny. My writers were funny. My direction was funny. The situations were funny. But I am not funny. I am not funny. What I am is brave. Lucille Ball

  22. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. Maya Angelou
  23. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. Maya Angelou

  24. Women are like teabags. We don't know our true strength until we are in hot water! Eleanor Roosevelt

  25. It's funny how we don't like to hear correction as children, but later on when we begin to experience our own lives; we will understand the purpose of the training and correction. Diane Winbush, Reflections of A Father

  26. Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair. George Burns

  27. If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign? Albert Einstein
    Top Ten Quotes

  28. Never rest on your laurels. Nothing wilts faster than a laurel sat upon. Mary Kay
    Famous Quotes

  29. How can they say my life is not a success? Have I not for more than sixty years gotten enough to eat and escaped being eaten? Logan Pearsall Smith

  30. I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one. Clarence Darrow

  31. Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. Bill Gates
    Motivational Quotes for Work

  32. Visualize something totally funny or crazy! This will instantly change how you feel because you can't visualize two things at the same time. Mark Snyder, Developing Good Habits

  33. The truth can be funny but it's not funny to cover up the truth. Ryan Cooper, Difficult People

  34. Cause your facial expression to change - smile. Catherine Pulsifer
  35. Cause your facial expression to change - smile. Catherine Pulsifer

  36. Heaven grant us patience with a man in love. Rudyard Kipling

  37. To keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup; whenever you're wrong, admit it, whenever you're right, shut up. Ogden Nash

  38. From his neck down a man is worth a couple of dollars a day, from his neck up he is worth anything that his brain can produce. Thomas Edison

  39. If your capacity to acquire has outstripped your capacity to enjoy, you are on the way to the scrap-heap. Glen Buck
    Funny Quotes about Life

  40. What happens at Grandma's . . . stays at Grandma's.

  41. Interest without activity is similar to having a vehicle that is out of gas - it won't take you anyplace. Eimantas Gabalis, How To Get Smarter
    The Waste You Regret

  42. Our minds are like monkeys, swinging from one thought to another like monkeys on a tree. As a result, we always feel as if a sense of order, balance, awareness and concentration elude us, because we are always doing, always acting. Debeena Harris, Mindfulness: Mindfulness For Beginners
    Positive Thinking Quotes

  43. See the world like a big wardrobe. Everybody has his own costume. There is only one that fits you perfectly. George Harris, Don't Wait For Your Life To Start
    Being Yourself

  44. Turning our abilities from stagnate puddles to rushing rivers can happen when we apply ourselves to the task. Warren Philip Gates
  45. Turning our abilities from stagnate puddles to rushing rivers can happen when we apply ourselves to the task. Warren Philip Gates, Success and the Powerful Introvert

  46. Nothing in the world is ever completely wrong. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. Paulo Coelho
    Motivational Quotes About Life

  47. Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions; they pass no criticisms.
    George Eliot Quotes

  48. People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do." Elbert Hubbard

  49. Did you ever notice how difficult it is to argue with someone who is not obsessed with being right? Wayne Dyer Quotes

  50. A false friend and a shadow attend only while the sun shines.
    Benjamin Franklin Quotes

  51. Three groups spend other people's money: children, thieves, politicians. All three need supervision. Dick Armey

  52. You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms to full to embrace the present. Jan Glidewell

  53. Imagine what we would achieve if we had the spiders' determination? Elles Lohuis, The Little Guide to Setting Intentions

  54. Commitments don't have to be chains. They can be rich with meaning. They can be the wings on which our spirits soar. Marilyn Mason, Ph. D., Seven Mountains, Life Lessons from a Climber's Journal

  55. Live like you golf. Don't forget to follow through. Author Unknown
  56. Live like you golf. Don't forget to follow through. Author Unknown

  57. A bore is a person who opens his mouth and puts his feats in it.
    Henry Ford Quotes

  58. Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know that so it goes on flying anyway.
    Mary Kay Quotes

  59. Money is like manure, of very little use except it be spread.
    Francis Bacon Quotes

  60. Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. Groucho Marx

  61. Some people seem to go through life standing at the complaint counter. Fred Propp Jr

  62. Don't let anyone become a vacuum and suck the happiness out of you - pull the plug. Author Unknown

  63. At times I was arrogant and other times I had the lowest self-esteem ever. It is a funny thing to have to remind yourself pride comes before the fall and then other times have to remind yourself you are God's masterpiece. Mandy Fender, Beautifully Broken: Giving God the Broken Pieces

  64. When you choose relationships, look for people with a sense of humor. If you are around others who are funny and lighthearted, you are more likely to find yourself relaxed and enjoying a good laugh. Ace McCloud, Forgiveness: The Healing Power Of Forgiveness

  65. A funny thing happens when we start keeping promises to ourselves - we become unstoppable. Ken Fite
  66. A funny thing happens when we start keeping promises to ourselves - we become unstoppable. Ken Fite, The Dash: Lessons in Life, Faith, and Purpose

  67. One fails forward toward success." Charles Kettering

  68. When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
    Franklin Roosevelt Quotes

  69. I don't want to be a genius - I have enough problems just trying to be a man.
    Albert Camus

  70. The first man gets the oyster, the second man gets the shell.
    Andrew Carnegie Quotes

  71. An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today. Laurence J. Peter

  72. Instead of buying new cards each year, reuse old Christmas cards that you have been given. Get creative and funny, cross out the old sections of handwriting and add your own. Henry Owen, How to Have a Green Christmas

  73. Remember that sometimes people laugh when something is actually funny, but often they laugh when they lack the imagination to understand the situation. John Barrett, SoS-Life Enhancement

  74. One of the most successful ways companies get the consumer's attention is by presenting the product in a funny or emotional way. Arlene Battishill, Retail Shock Therapy

  75. Humor oils the wheels of life and helps to keep it running smoothly. Dorothea Kopplin
  76. Humor oils the wheels of life and helps to keep it running smoothly. Dorothea Kopplin, Something to Live By

  77. Remember that the most beautiful things in the world are the most useless: peacocks and lilies for instance. John Ruskin

  78. Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists? RAJ Phillips

  79. One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly. Andy Rooney
    Christmas Poems

  80. It's important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle. Author Unknown

  81. "Life is too important to bee taken so seriously." John Penberthy
    To Bee or Not to Bee

  82. I am not an advocate of pity parties. They allow you to wallow in misery and drag yourself even further into the depths of woe. But sometimes having a good cry is like changing the oil in your car. You got 3000 miles out of that batch, now you have 3000 miles to go before another. Sandra Bullock Smith, Trading Places

  83. You can practice shooting 8 hours a day, but if your technique is wrong, then all you become is very good at shooting the wrong way. Michael Jordan

  84. They say that parenting is like dancing. You take one step, your child takes another. Michael Jackson

  85. If you are the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room. Confucius

  86. Our wrinkles are our medals of the passage of life. They are what we have been through and who we want to be. Lauren Hutton
    Happy Birthday Sister In Law

  87. Years ago there was belief that the world was flat. People were born into that belief and they took it on faith that if they went too far from the shoreline in a boat they would fall off the earth. Columbus sailed on. Les Brown

  88. I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet. Gandhi

  89. To die laughing must be the most glorious of all glorious deaths! Edgar Allan Poe

  90. Happen to things, don't let things happen to you. Stephen Covey

       More Quotes: Funny Quotes 83 to 121   |   Funny Quotes 122 to 157    | Funny Quotes 158 to 181    | Funny Quotes 182 to 201    |

Funny Quote of The Day

Overall, I'd say effective communication is like an engine oil that makes your life run smoothly, getting you wherever you want to be. Ian Tuhovsky

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me. Winston Churchill

Friendship reaches well above all currency. Robert M. Hensel

Enthusiasm is a volcano on whose top never grows the grass of hesitation. Kahlil Gibran

A determined person will do more with a pen and paper, than a lazy person will accomplish with a personal computer. Catherine Pulsifer

Either you run the day or the day runs you. Jim Rohn

Only a fool tests the depth of the river with both feet. African Proverb

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