Author: Catherine Pulsifer, ©2017
How many people do you know that have anger problems?
Maybe, anger problems
may also apply to you even though you may not wish to acknowledge
this issue. On the other hand, you would be less than human if you
never have been angry.
Anger Problems Portrayed
So, how can you know what anger problems are; how can you recognize
this problem in your own behavior or in the behavior of others?
There are some behaviors that you may recognize in you or a friend or
a family member. These behaviors may not be known to the other person.
If this is the case, you may have to raise some of these behaviours as
personal issues between you and the other person. If you decide that this
is how you are going to approach the issue or issues, then it probably
would be advisable to do so in a private setting away from everyone else.
Do not make your challenge
to their behavior a spectacle sport by confronting this person where
others can hear or see you. Here are some warning signs:
1. Often calling other people names that demean or embarrass,
2. Engaging in criticizing, belittling, or putting down family members or colleagues,
3. Demonstrating a consistent lack of patience,
4. Never taking responsibility for one's actions preferring to blame others,
5. People avoid talking or socializing with you,
6. Family, friends, co-workers hesitate to raise any issue with you,
Anger A Draining Emotion
Anger is one emotion that serves only to drain us of important vitality;
an emotion that causes more harm than it rectifies. Anger is a state of loss
of control; a state of mind where all reasonable action to resolve the
situation or issues that caused the anger is relegated to the back
burner of consciousness.
Anger is an emotion and while it has merit in running from danger,
as in the flight or fight application, it is more often debilitating than
worthy or an action
that moves to resolution.
And, if you think that anger can make you stronger, more able to
control environments that cause you problems, you are just plain wrong.
Let's not kid ourselves, anger defeats you before you even get started.
Anger Problems And What Do You Do
So, instead of using your energy without being able to accomplish
that which you want, what do you do instead?
We know that anger is a natural emotion and one that is much easier
to engage in than being naturally resolution oriented. What does this
mean to you?
It means that you first must recognize that anger diminishes you; it
tells others that you have little ability to deal with issues, concerns,
or difficult situations with a much more mature and controlled attitude
. Anger may tell others that you are insecure or anxious where anger
is simply a mechanism to either deflect or to control. If you were raised
in a household where anger was the way to get what a parent
or sibling wanted, then you have been influenced
to do so as part of your normal reaction to a need or want.
However, not all people are going to recognize that you may have some
underlying issues that should be resolved. Instead, other people may
spend more time devising methods to avoid you or engaging in
such frivolous conversation that nothing of significance is ever discussed.
Recognition Of Anger Problems
Once you recognize that anger brings you nothing but internal
you are ready to move forward with a more clearly defined positive
action. Here are some further examples of anger problems that may alert
you to an on-going issue in your life:
1) You more often than not over generalize by using words like or phrases like: you always interrupt me; you never consider my needs; I am never recognized for what I do.
2) You spend more time obsessing on "shoulds" and "musts." You have a specific and uncompromising view of the way everything should or must be and getting angry when reality doesn't line up with your viewpoint
3) You often jump to conclusions suspecting that people are trying to upset you or take advantage of you.
Now, having reviewed these scenarios, what can be done? If you have
recognized that "anger problems" is an issue, you have taken the
first step towards resolution for it is without recognition that nothing changes.
This positive action means that you recognize that something is really
bothering you; something is causing you to need to either address the
situation, or to let it go completely knowing that it is not worth the emotion,
the energy to try and change or address it.
Redirect Negative Emotion
Any energy that you previously used for anger can be redirected towards
positive energy to work to find a resolution.
Negative energy personified through anger is wasted energy that
can only lead to furthering problems or issues. Some of these problems,
however, are only in the mind of the person and are not that which is
based in reality.
If you are concerned about the actions of a co-worker, for example,
you must realize initially that this co-worker may or may not be aware
that their actions have caused you a problem. So, the first step towards
resolving any potential ongoing ill feelings is to speak with the co-worker
in private. Tell them, without attacking them verbally, that his or her
action was unwelcome, or bothered you, and made you feel uncomfortable.
Please also bear in mind that the other person's actions must be severe
enough to affect your working relationship. This means, for example,
that you should not be picking up on some minor behavior like not
saying hello to you. Not every behavior of another person is a personal
attack against ou. It needs to be understood that when you are filled
with angry thoughts, or that you lean more heavily towards negative
reaction without consciously thinking it through can lead or manifest
itself in a negative response from the other person.
Reduce Your Stress
Approach issues head on; use your energy to work
towards a solution not to bury your emotion deep within where it can
only fester and cause you stress.
"An important key in anger management is identifying the trigger and what it means for you." Daniel Brush
"It is never too late to change your views of yourself. Taking the time to get to know yourself, to understand your past and come to grips with your feelings, can dramatically change your self-beliefs." Jennifer Alison
"Stress is almost always going to be a part of our lives in one way, shape, or form. The key is to learn how to better manage and approach it." Jeff Gunn
"Self control refers to controlling one's emotions and feelings and not losing one's cool even in the worst of situations." Brian Adams, Self Improvement: Self Discipline
"Thoughts that are powered by fear will cause feelings of anxiety, anger or frustration, which will manifest into your life and create negative or bad experiences." Joe Hinchliffe, Average Joe’s Secrets to Personal Development
"The problem is not anger; the problem is that we don't understand what to do with the feeling of anger, or understand what is underlying that feeling." Doc Childre; Deborah Rozman, Ph.D.; Transforming Anger: The Heartmath Solution for Letting Go of Rage, Frustration, and Irritation (Kindle Location 128). New Harbinger Publications. Kindle Edition.
"Sometimes it seems as if anger is all around us. We flip on the nightly news to hear stories of domestic violence, violent crime, feuding celebrities and politicians, road rage, and countless groups angrily protesting nearly everything imaginable." Russell Kolts, The Compassionate-Mind Guide to Managing Your Anger
"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." Yoda
"During the day, you can go from task to task, to meet each colleague and each person no matter how frustrating without losing your temper, or showing frustration by being arrogant or ignorant. After all, it is only one day." Byron Pulsifer
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