Beyond The No Fault Friend
Author: Byron Pulsifer
There is a great characteristic that a friend
should have and that is perfection. This perfection is not in the standard
way we think about perfection, though,
it means instead that it is perfection that talks more about understanding
that each friend has their own faults and that each accepts those faults
of the other.
No one is a perfect human being. To me, it is impossible to be perfect.
This does not mean, however, that imperfections should stand in the way
of being good friends with another.
A Key To Friendship
One of the keys to establishing a friendship
in the first instance is to have
common ground upon which each other can relate. Such was the case
of an old friend of mine when we first met and where our interest in music
was the binding commonality. And, this friendship blossomed over the
years with greater understanding, more interest, and the ability of each to
grow as mature individuals.
On the other hand, you will meet people throughout the years that desire
to be your friend but there are major issues that prevent you from feeling
comfortable with this person. Despite their desire to be friends,
you are unable to find either common ground or aspects that are
totally foreign to your way of thinking and behaving.
A couple of years ago, I was in that very situation where my friendship
was sought but where I could not find any reason to establish a friendship.
This particular person had a set of personal ethics that clashed totally with
how I though, acted and believed. Is this case, there was no common
ground at all.
No Common Ground
Not every person you meet will be a friend, and not every person will want
to be friends with you. What is important to remember, though, is that what
one sees as common ground is common to someone else and it is
only a matter of finding that person to share
your friendship with.
One of the other factors that can derail a friendship is time.
In this instance, time goes by and each one of us is usually developing
along with it. In some situations, though, what started out as common ground
changes and these changes
may be of so great a significance that they serve to distance one
friend from another. For example, where one person's negative
thinking may have been overlooked previously, it becomes more
and more difficult to continue a friendship when the other becomes
more and more positive or solution oriented in both their personal
and professional life. As we know all too well, negative thinking people
only serve to bring you down in life;
they drain your energy.
to keep a friend also means that as you grow and develop,
you would also hope that a friend goes along the same path of development.
The difficulty arises when one or the other friend seems to be stuck in the same way of thinking and living and has not changed. This does not necessarily mean that their way of thinking or doing things is wrong in and of itself but is more that the other friend is in a different space and time. These differences can tend to cause a rift where what was once a commonality of doing and thinking the same way are now diametrically opposed to each other. It is these differences then that can place a rift between what were once really good friends.
Sometimes, though, it is easier to mend a fence than to construct a new one so one must decide if a real friend is one to keep looking instead at the positives that remain and not focusing on the negatives.
Inspirational Quotes for Reflection:
"Every man should have a fair-sized cemetery in which to bury the faults of his friends."
"To be a friend means encourage strengths in others and accepting their weaknesses; in other words, accepting them for who they are."
"Friends change . . . friendships change. Real friends move with these changes and talk about them as they are happening."
Anne Wilson Schaeft
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