Funny Quotes 166 to 205

  1. "Please stop waiting for a map. We reward those who draw maps, not those who follow them." Seth Godin, Poke the Box
    Inspirational Quotes  |    

  2. Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open. Thomas Dewar
    Funny Graduation Quotes  |    

  3. If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys. Proverb
    Funny Proverbs  |    

  4. You are either the captain or the captive of your thoughts. Denis Waitley
    Inspirational Thoughts   |    

  5. It is sad to grow old but nice to ripen. Brigitte Bardot
    Funny Birthday Quotes  |    

  6. "A house becomes a home when you can write, 'I love you' on the furniture." Author Unknown, from Dust If You Must

  7. "Before you put on a frown, make absolutely sure there are no smiles available." Jim Beggs
    Quotes to Live By

  8. "Most people fail in life because they major in minor things." Anthony Robbins
    Failure   |  

  9. "Remember those ships who pass through your day, touching your life just once, sending you into a better direction than your life was headed." Michelle C. Ustaszeski
    Life   |  

  10. "Laugh every day."
    Funny Poems   |  

  11. The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. Kin Hubbard Wealth   |  

  12. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. Bob Hope Cool   |  

  13. Talkers are usually more articulate than doers, since talk is their specialty. Thomas Sowell Actions Speak Louder Than Words Quotes   |  

  14. "Every minute you spend in planning saves 10 minutes in execution; this gives you a 1,000 percent Return on Energy!" Brian Tracy
    Time   |  

  15. "A laugh is a smile that bursts." Mary H. Waldrip
    Smile   |    

  16. "A smile is a curve that sets everything straight." Phyllis Diller
    Encouragement   |  

  17. "A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon." Arnold Haultain
    Communication  |  

  18. I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy. Danny McGoorty
    Retirement  |  

  19. Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. C.E.M. Joad
    Age  |  

  20. Being a great father is like shaving. No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow. Reed Markham
    Fathers Day Quotes  |  

  21. "It is difficult, but not impossible, to conduct strictly honest business." Mahatma Gandhi
    Honesty  |  

  22. "The easiest way to teach children the value of money is to borrow some from them." Author Unknown
    Children  |  

  23. "Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off." Nicky Gumbel
    Knowledge  |  

  24. "Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't." Richard Bach
    Famous Quotes  |    

  25. "I don't want problems solved for me. I want the fishing rod, not the fish."
    Adversity   |  

  26. "Optimism: A cheerful frame of mind that enables a tea kettle to sing though in hot water up to its nose." Author Unknown
    Optimistic   |  

  27. "The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." e. e. cummings
    Laughter   |  

  28. "Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts." Author Unknown
    Family   |  

  29. Keep your sense of humor. As General Joe Stillwell said, 'The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of his behind'. Donald Rumsfeld
    Humor   |  

  30. "When fate hands us a lemon, let's try to make lemonade." Dale Carnegie
    Fate   |  

  31. As you ramble through life, whatever be your goal; keep your eye upon the doughnut, and not upon the hole. Irish Saying
    Irish Quotes and Sayings   |  

  32. "You don't calm the waters by splashing around in them." On A Church Sign
    Funny Quotes about Life   |  

  33. "The mind is like a clock that is constantly running down. It has to be wound up daily with good thoughts." Fulton J. Sheen
    Daily Inspiration  |  

  34. "They are ill discoverers that think there is no land when they see nothing but sea." Francis Bacon
    Attitude   |  

  35. "Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you." Ogden Nash
    Saturday   |  

  36. "Chasing success is like trying to squeeze a handful of water. The tighter you squeeze, the less water you get. When you chase it, your life becomes the chase, and you become a victim of always wanting more." Wayne W. Dyer, Everyday Wisdom For Success
    Success  |  

  37. "The best lightning rod for your protection is your own spine." Ralph Waldo Emerson
    Creativity   |  

  38. "When the pregnancy test stick turns blue, the light to fatherhood goes green." John Pfeiffer, Dude, You're Gonna Be a Dad!
    Father  |  

  39. "Don't complain about the snow on your neighbour's roof when your own doorstep is unclean." Confucius
    Complaining   |  

  40. The Queen of Hearts is, of course, Lucille Ball. Her funniness and lovability charmed I Love Lucy fans in the 1950's and still appeals in today's syndicated re-runs. Susan Horowitz, Queens of Comedy
    Lucille Ball Quotes

Funny Quotes 206 to 239
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