Funny Quotes 166 to 205
"Please stop waiting for a map.
We reward those who draw maps, not those who follow them."
Seth Godin, Poke the Box
Inspirational Quotes |
Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open.
Funny Graduation Quotes |
If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Funny Proverbs |
You are either the captain or the captive of your thoughts.
Inspirational Thoughts |
It is sad to grow old but nice to ripen.
Funny Birthday Quotes |
"A house becomes a home when you can write, 'I love you' on the furniture."
Author Unknown, from Dust If You Must
"Before you put on a frown, make absolutely sure there are no smiles available."
Quotes to Live By
"Most people fail in life because they major in minor things."
"Remember those ships who pass through your day, touching your life just once, sending you into a better direction than your life was headed."
Michelle C. Ustaszeski
"Laugh every day."
Funny Poems |
The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once
and put it in your pocket.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove
that you don't need it.
Talkers are usually more articulate than doers, since talk is their specialty.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words Quotes |
"Every minute you spend in planning saves 10 minutes
in execution; this gives you a 1,000 percent Return on Energy!"
"A laugh is a smile that bursts."
Mary H. Waldrip
"A smile is a curve that sets everything straight."
"A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon."
I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy.
Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.
Being a great father is like shaving. No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow.
Fathers Day Quotes |
"It is difficult, but not impossible, to conduct strictly honest business."
"The easiest way to teach children the value of money is to borrow
some from them."
"Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not
necessary to show it off."
"Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't."
Famous Quotes |
"I don't want problems solved for me. I want the fishing rod, not the fish."
"Optimism: A cheerful frame of mind that enables a tea kettle to sing
though in hot water up to its nose."
"The most wasted of all days is one without laughter."
e. e. cummings
"Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts."
Keep your sense of humor. As General Joe Stillwell said, 'The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of his behind'.
"When fate hands us a lemon, let's try to make lemonade."
As you ramble through life, whatever be your goal;
keep your eye upon the doughnut, and not upon the hole.
Irish Quotes and Sayings |
"You don't calm the waters by splashing around in them."
On A Church Sign
Funny Quotes about Life |
"The mind is like a clock that is constantly running down.
It has to be wound up daily with good thoughts."
Fulton J. Sheen
Daily Inspiration |
"They are ill discoverers that think there is no land when they
see nothing but sea."
"Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday
night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you."
"Chasing success is like trying to squeeze a handful of water.
The tighter you squeeze, the less water you get. When you chase it, your life becomes the chase, and you become a victim of always wanting more."
Wayne W. Dyer, Everyday Wisdom For Success
"The best lightning rod for your protection is your own spine."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
"When the pregnancy test stick turns blue, the light to fatherhood goes green."
John Pfeiffer, Dude, You're Gonna Be a Dad!
"Don't complain about the snow on your neighbour's roof when
your own doorstep is unclean."
The Queen of Hearts is, of course, Lucille Ball. Her funniness and
lovability charmed I Love Lucy fans
in the 1950's and still appeals in today's syndicated re-runs.
Susan Horowitz, Queens of Comedy
Lucille Ball Quotes