36 Funny Retirement Quotes

Bring a smile to the retiree's face with these funny retirement quotes. Humourous words and funny phrases about retirement but ones full of wisdom to inspire and encourage! Share these funny quotes and sayings with new and old retirees!


  1. No more alarm clocks for you - you can go back to sleep or get up - it is entirely up to you!
    Quote of The Day



  2. "Working people have alot of bad habits, but the worst of these is work." Clarence Darrow
    Work



  3. "I am so busy since I have retired, I may have to go back to work to get a rest." Uncle Dude
    Inspirational Quotes



  4. Strategic retirement plan: rest, relax, repeat.
    Relax



  5. What do you call a person who is happy on Monday?
    Retired.
    Monday



  6. "We have no porch, no rocking chair - and no time. My biggest need is a calendar because there are so many things to do. Maurice Musholt
    Time



  7. I'm not retiring. I am graduating...
Retirement means that you'll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain't going to happen.  Junior Seau

  8. "I'm not retiring. I am graduating. Today is my graduation day. Retirement means that you'll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain't going to happen." Junior Seau
    Graduation



  9. Retirement itself is the best gift. No gold watch could ever top it. Abigail Charleson
    Funny



  10. Retirement . . . is when you stop living at work and begin working at living.
    Live Life



  11. "The money's no better in retirement but the hours are!"
    Money



  12. Retirement: That's when you return from work one day and say, "Hi, Honey, I'm home, forever." Gene Perret
    Famous Quotes



  13. "There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working." Robert Half
    Funny Work Quotes



  14. Happiness is being like you - retired! Catherine Pulsifer
    Happiness



  15.  Others will keep working because the gold in our so-called
  golden years doesn't have to come from watching sunsets.  Arianna Huffington

  16. Others will keep working because the "gold" in our so-called "golden years" doesn't have to come from watching sunsets. Arianna Huffington
    Words of Encouragement



  17. "I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy." Danny McGoorty
    Job



  18. I am a free man. I feel as light as a feather. Javier Perez De Cuellar
    Freedom



  19. "Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it."



  20. "If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles." Doug Larson
    Worry



  21. You can compare a person's retirement partly to that of an automobile's or any other device. There comes a time when you have to slow down or completely stop doing what you've been doing for the past 20 or 30 years and take a well-deserved break." Adrian J.Williams, Retirement: The Ultimate Retirement Planning Guide!
    Take A Break



  22. "The old notion of retirement is dead. It is no longer a day in the distant future when, on reaching your sixty-fifth birthday, you hang up your suit and never return to the office again." Martin Bamford, How to Retire 10 Years Early
    Future



  23. "When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch." R.C. Sherriff
    Funny Quotes about Life



  24. "When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income." Chi Chi Rodriguez
    Husband



  25. "Retirement is the time when you never do all the things you intended to do when you were still working."
    Time Management



  26. "I work harder now that I have retired from corporate life, than when I actually worked, but I love it." Catherine Pulsifer
    Cute Quotes



  27. "There is no need to be bound by convention, push the envelope, do it weird, do it different, but most of all do it fun! Be that cigar chomping rock''n'roll granny if it takes your fancy." Stella Rheingold, 101 Fun Things to do in Retirement
    Grandmother



  28. "A lot of our friends complain about their retirement. We tell 'em to get a life." Larry Laser
    Complaining



  29. You are a person I really admire, because you are a person who gets to retire.
    Daily Motivation



  30. "Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money." Jonathan Clements
    Vacation



  31. Retirement: World's longest coffee break.
    Inspirational Sayings



  32. "Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache unless you play golf." Gene Perret
    Stress



  33. We no longer follow traditional retirement models.
 Margaret Nash

  34. We no longer follow traditional retirement models. We have rebelled against them. Margaret Nash, The Retirement Rebel
    Top 10 Quotes



  35. Goodbye to 9 to 5. Hello, time!
    Goodbye



  36. "You've heard of the three ages of man: Youth, middle age, and you're looking wonderful." Cardinal Spellman
    Age



  37. There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want. Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes
    Short Quotes



  38. "Retirement is still a perfectly good word, but we need to rein in its usage now that its original meaning is no longer all that relevant because people are living longer, healthier, more active lives." Mike Drak, Victory Lap Retirement
    Positive



  39. "Retired is being tired twice, I've thought, first tired of working, then tired of not." Richard Armour
    Funny Sayings


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