200 Funny Quotes about Life

Life has its funny moments. Let these funny quotes about life remind you of such times but also you can read between the lines and find the wisdom that they offer.

  1. "I've met a lot of hard-boiled eggs in my life, but you - you're 20 minutes." Jan Sterling

  2. Life must bring ups and downs.
    In life's ring let's be clowns!
    Learn their way to make folk smile;
    Dullest day, hardest mile.
    Wilhelmina Stitch
    Funny Poems

  3. Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get. Ray Kroc
    Motivational Quotes

  4. "Watching a person who successfully loses fifty pounds and changes her life is more inspirational than listening to a fitness coach with a perfect body." Martin Meadows, How to Think Bigger
    Inspirational Quotes

  5. The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been.  Madeleine L'Engle
  6. "The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been." Madeleine L'Engle
    Inspirational Sayings

  7. "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years." Mark Twain
    21st Birthday Quotes plus 30th, 40th, 50th

  8. Without Sunday, I wouldn't know when to put on the brakes of a hurtling life. Byron Pulsifer
    Sunday Quotes

  9. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.
    Martin Luther King Jr.

  10. There is more to life than increasing its speed. Mahatma Gandhi
    Cute Life Quotes

  11. "Running a multimillion dollar business can feel like a piece of cake when facing a defiant and dramatic teenage daughter." Colleen O'Grady, Dial Down the Drama

  12. "I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way (s)he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights." Maya Angelou

  13. "Want is a growing giant whom the coat of Have was never large enough to cover...." Ralph Waldo Emerson
    Motivational Quotes about Life

  14. "When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they're not it." Bernard Bailey
    Funny Quotes

  15. I have never developed indigestion from eating my words. Winston Churchill
  16. "I have never developed indigestion from eating my words." Winston Churchill
    Words of Encouragement

  17. When fate hands us a lemon, let's try to make lemonade."
    Dale Carnegie
    Funny Graduation Quotes

  18. Pursue, keep up with, circle round and round your life, as a dog does his master's chaise. Do what you love. Know your own bone, gnaw at it, bury it, unearth it, and gnaw it still. Henry David Thoreau

  19. "A lot of people think the whole purpose of life is just to collect stuff. You've seen the bumper sticker: 'He who dies with the most toys, wins.' The truth is, 'He who dies with the most toys ... still dies!' Rick Warren

  20. "On his seventy-fifth birthday a photographer said: 'I hope, sir, that I will shoot your picture on your hundredth birthday.' Churchill answered: 'I don't see why not, young man. You look reasonably fit and healthy.'" William Manchester, The Last Lion

  21. "Lucille Ball taught me that the best comedy need never be cruel to be funny." Marie Osmond, The Key Is Love
    Lucille Ball Quotes

  22. "Try walking forward while looking over your shoulder and see how far you get. The same goes for life. Look forward!" Martin Henderson, Fatherhood

  23. "It's funny, I spent the first half of my life desperately trying not to become my mother, and now I am spending the second half of my life desperately hoping to become half the woman that she is." Helen C. Escott, I Am Funny Like That

  24. Life only delivers to people that create their own postal code. Jelani Daniel
  25. "Life only delivers to people that create their own postal code." Jelani Daniel, King of Quotes
    Quotes about Taking Risks

  26. Every one desires to live long, but no one would be old.
    Abraham Lincoln
    Famous Quotes about Life

  27. If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut.
    Albert Einstein Quotes

  28. I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much. Mother Teresa

  29. "Eliminating procrastination from our lives is like trying to stop a moving train; it's not easy." Joseph R. Ferrari, . Still Procrastinating

  30. "Chairs were created because someone, somewhere, wanted to solve a big problem: sitting on rocks causes sore bottoms." Bill Burnett, Designing Your Life

  31. "An old dog can learn new tricks. If your enthusiasm has lost its vitality, do everything possible to revive it." Don McArt, The Mental Makeover
    Learning   |

  32. "The only time I don't have any problems in this world is when I am already six feet below the ground." James Jason, Positive Thinking

  33. When you pray be careful of how you respond to what you get. Hyacinth Mottley
  34. "When you pray be careful of how you respond to what you get. I read somewhere that if you pray for rain. . . don't complain about the mud!" Hyacinth Mottley, Words of Wisdom

  35. "People tell me, 'You're such an optimist.' Am I an optimist? An optimist says the glass is half full. A pessimist says the glass is half empty. A survivalist is practical. He says, 'Call it what you want, but just fill the glass.' I believe in filling the glass." Louis Zamperini, Don't Give Up, Don't Give In

  36. Anxiety in human life is what squeaking and grinding are in machinery that is not oiled. In life, trust is the oil. Henry Ward Beecher

  37. Do not listen to those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious. Og Mandino

  38. Live in such a way that you wouldn’t be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. Will Rogers

  39. "To be successful, regardless of the field, one needs to be a participant in the field of battle, rather than a spectator." Charles Duncan, 5-minute Habits

  40. "Goal setting is similar to travelling from point A to point B within a city. If you clearly understand what the goal is, you will definitely reach the destination because you know its address." Thomas Abreu, Science of Success

  41. "He has a heart of gold - only harder." Adolphe Menjou

  42. For some, life is like a river. It becomes overpowering, uncontrollable and sometimes wild. Ravindranath Jayaratne
  43. "For some, life is like a river. It becomes overpowering, uncontrollable and sometimes wild." Ravindranath Jayaratne, The Power of your Future

  44. You can complain about the direction of your life all you want, but until you sit in the driver’s seat and begin to drive yourself, you aren't going to get where you want to go! Les Brown

  45. "Life without Christ is like a vacuum cleaner without the electrical electrical cord plugged in. It has no power to suck up the dirt." Don Wilton, A Hope and a Future

  46. "The successful know that the road to success is always under construction; they understand the roughness of it and never expected it to be smooth." Hernert O Nobleman, The Filigree of Success

  47. "Life is short. Eat dessert first."
    Cute Quotes

  48. "There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep." Ralph Waldo Emerson

  49. "I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book." Groucho Marx

  50. Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seed that you plant.  Robert Louis Stevenson
  51. "Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seed that you plant." Robert Louis Stevenson

  52. "If a man empties his purse into his head, no one can take it from him. An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest." Benjamin Franklin

  53. It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it. W. Somerset Maugham
    Poems about Life

  54. "The world is plentiful with honey, but only the humble bee can collect it." Ralph Waldo Emerson

  55. "So, if you feel a smile begin, don't leave it undetected, let's start an epidemic quick, and get the world infected!" Russel H. Conwell

  56. "Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." Mark Twain

  57. "A man is not paid for having a head and hands, but for using them." Elbert Hubbard

  58. "If you don't understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child." Linda Sunshine

  59. "Our snooze button does not have the power to delay the sun from rising in the morning. Time simply does not wait for anyone." Ted Robbins, Time Management

  60. A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. Irish Saying
  61. "A turkey never voted for an early Christmas." Irish Quotes and Saying

  62. You may plan to write a book some day, but you are living a book every day. Wilferd Peterson
    Live Life

  63. There is no such thing as a typical granny. Old-fashioned picture books might suggest that she's a comfortable old body in a flowery pinny, grey hair piled in a bun as she knits baby bonnets - but no grandma has looked like that since 1923. Flic Everett, Help! I'm a Granny

  64. Are you green and growing or ripe and rotting?
    Ray Kroc

  65. For good or ill, your conversation is your advertisement. Every time you open your mouth you let men look into your mind.
    Bruce Barton Quotes

  66. It is the little bits of things that fret and worry us; we can dodge a elephant, but we can't dodge a fly. Josh Billings

  67. When I hit Grade 7, I began to understand the difference between those who had money and those who didn't have as much. Shannon Lee Simmons, Worry-Free Money

  68. A man who views the world the same at 50 as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life. Muhammad Ali

  69. "When you mention you have a teen daughter to someone, facial expressions turn sympathetic, as if you've just disclosed a serious medical issue." Lucie Hemmen, Parenting a Teen Girl

  70. Long experience has taught me that to be criticized is not always to be wrong. Anthony Eden

  71. "By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity - another man's, I mean." Mark Twain

  72. Intellectual property has the shelf life of a banana. Bill Gates

  73. Haters are confused admirers who can't understand why everybody else likes you. Paulo Coelho

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