40 Funny Christmas Quotes

Enjoy these funny Christmas quotes, may they bring a smile to your face. Share them with others to bring a laugh during a very hectic time of the year! Christmas is a time of year we should feel peace and joy, but sometimes the business of the season causes us stress and the feeling of being overwhelmed, let these funny quotes give you a smile and a minute to relax.


  1. Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall. Larry Wilde
    Children



  2. There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. Erma Bombeck
    Christmas



  3. There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus. Bob Phillips
    Christmas Messages



  4. It's good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas. Charles Dickens
    Famous



  5. At Christmas a man is at his finest towards the finish of the year;
    he is almost what he should be when the Christmas seasons here. Edgar A Guest
    Christmas Poems



  6. One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly. Andy Rooney
    Christmas Greetings



  7. People really act weird at Christmas time! What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree in the living room and eat nuts and sweets out of your socks? Author Unknown
    Funny



  8. I wish that dear old Santa would take me for a ride;
    I'd like to drive his reindeer and sit by Santa's side. Ovie Pedige Tanner, A Ride With Santa
    Christmas Poems For Kids



  9. He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree. Roy L Smith
  10. He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree. Roy L Smith
    Christmas Saying



  11. More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you've been bad and good. Linda Sunshine
    Funny Sister Quotes



  12. You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger. Robert Paul
    Age



  13. In this age of instant coffee, overnight rush deliveries, and 30-second media sound bites, it's not surprising that children have discovered that their letters to Santa Claus can be sent by email. Patrick Flaherty
    Progress



  14. Christmas is always a problem to the man who has to convince his kids that there is a Santa Claus, and his wife that there isn't. Evan Esar
    Problem



  15. Of course Santa is dead, you force a guy to eat a billion cookies in one night, what do you think is going to happen? Jimmy Kimmel
    Question



  16. Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard. Andy Borowitz
    Baby



  17. Don't be a Scrooge, share your Christmas! Kate Summers
    Sharing



  18. Santa Claus had the right idea. Visit people only once a year. Victor Borge
    Ideas



  19. I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included. Bernard Manning
    Humor



  20. No doubt about it, Santa is old fashioned. He is also an individualist. He goes his own way. He doesn't obey airport tower controllers or customs officials. Frank Miniter
    Funny Quotes about Life



  21. Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet. Author Unknown
  22. Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet. Author Unknown
    Money



  23. Just look at Christmas morning pictures if you want to see truly what a person looks like first thing in the morning. Catherine Pulsifer
    Good Day



  24. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases. Bridger Winegar
    Friend



  25. Keep Calm and Wait For Santa Author Unknown
    Keep Calm



  26. One can never have enough socks. Another Christmas has come and gone and I didnít get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books. J.K. Rowling, Author
    Books



  27. Ho, ho, ho - Cherry nose - Cap on head - Suit that's red - Special night - Beard that's white - Must be Santa Bob Dylan
    Thought For The Day



  28. Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won't make it white. Bing Crosby
    Blessed



  29. Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it. Richard Lamm
    Funny Proverbs



  30. The older I get, the fewer useless gifts I get. The fewer I get, the less I have to wrap to re-gift for next Christmas. Robert Rivers
    Cool



  31. I am not sure Christmas is good for my health. After all the Christmas dinners and goodies, I end up looking like Santa Claus, with my bowl full of jelly. Theodore W. Higginsworth
    Good



  32. Do give books - religious or otherwise - for Christmas. They're never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal. Lenore Hershey
    Top Ten Quotes about Books



  33. You can just hear Santa saying Ho, Ho, Ho, when you receive your credit card statement in January. Kate Summers
    Money



  34. The older I get, the younger Santa Claus looks!
  35. The older I get, the younger Santa Claus looks! Catherine Pulsifer
    Birthday



  36. I never get to see Santa Claus come down the chimney because I always get too tired and fall asleep from eating all his cookies while waiting for him. Theodore W. Higginsworth
    Random



  37. All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth. Donald Yetter Gardner
    Wishes



  38. Do not listen to Mrs.Claus about the cookies. My cholesterol is fine. And I get plenty of exercise on Christmas Eve. Santa Claus; Amy Newmark, Chicken Soup for the Soul: Merry Christmas!
    Health



  39. The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other. Burton Hillis
    Family



  40. Christmas is here again. Let us raise a loving cup; Peace on earth, goodwill to men, and make them do the washing up. Wendy Cope
    Peace



  41. Let's approach Christmas with an expectant hush, rather than a last-minute rush. Author Unknown
    Attitude



  42. My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that? Bob Hope
    Love



  43. You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights. Maya Angelou
    Character


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