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43 Funny Christmas Quotes
Enjoy these funny Christmas quotes, may they bring a smile
to your face. Share them with others to bring a laugh during a very
hectic time of the year!
Christmas is a time of year we should feel peace and
joy, but sometimes the business of the season causes us stress and the feeling
of being overwhelmed, let these funny quotes give you a smile and a minute
to relax. Happy Christmas to YOU!
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Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.
Larry Wilde
Children
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning
and not be a child.
Erma Bombeck
Christmas Quotes
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There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus;
he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.
Bob Phillips
Christmas Message
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It's good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas.
Charles Dickens
Famous Quotes
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At Christmas a man is at his finest towards the finish of the year;
he is almost what he should be when the Christmas seasons here.
Edgar A Guest
Christmas Poems
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One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created
in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly.
Andy Rooney
Christmas Greetings
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People really act weird at Christmas time! What other time of year
do you sit in front of a dead tree in the living room and eat nuts
and sweets out of your socks?
Author Unknown
Funny Quotes
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I wish that dear old Santa would take me for a ride;
I'd like to drive his reindeer and sit by Santa's side.
Ovie Pedige Tanner, A Ride With Santa
Christmas Poems For Kids
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He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree.
Roy L Smith
Christmas Sayings
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More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you've been bad and good.
Linda Sunshine
Funny Sister Quotes
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You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.
Robert Paul
Age
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In this age of instant coffee, overnight rush deliveries, and 30-second
media sound bites, it's not surprising that children have discovered
that their letters to Santa Claus can be sent by email.
Patrick Flaherty
Progress
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Christmas is always a problem to the man who has to convince
his kids that there is a Santa Claus, and his wife that there isn't.
Evan Esar
Problem
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Of course Santa is dead, you force a guy to eat a billion cookies
in one night, what do you think is going to happen?
Jimmy Kimmel
Question
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Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
Andy Borowitz
Baby
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Don't be a Scrooge, share your Christmas!
Kate Summers
Sharing
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Santa Claus had the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
Victor Borge
Ideas
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I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with
a note on it saying, toys not included.
Bernard Manning
Humor
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No doubt about it, Santa is old fashioned. He is also an individualist.
He goes his own way. He doesn't obey airport tower controllers
or customs officials.
Frank Miniter
Funny Quotes about Life
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Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet.
Author Unknown
Money
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Just look at Christmas morning pictures if you want to see truly what
a person looks like first thing in the morning.
Catherine Pulsifer
Good Day Quotes
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Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for
all major purchases.
Bridger Winegar
Friend
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One can never have enough socks. Another Christmas has come and
gone and I didn’t get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.
J.K. Rowling, Author
Books
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Ho, ho, ho - Cherry nose - Cap on head - Suit that's red - Special night -
Beard that's white - Must be Santa
Bob Dylan
Thought For The Day
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Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings,
all the snow in Alaska won't make it white.
Bing Crosby
Blessed Quotes
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Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay
for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and
their kids pay for it.
Richard Lamm
Funny Proverbs
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Keep Calm and Wait For Santa
Author Unknown
Keep Calm
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The older I get, the fewer useless gifts I get. The fewer I get, the less
I have to wrap to re-gift for next Christmas.
Robert Rivers
Cool Quotes
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I am not sure Christmas is good for my health.
After all the Christmas dinners and goodies, I end up looking
like Santa Claus, with my bowl full of jelly.
Theodore W. Higginsworth
Good
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Do give books - religious or otherwise - for Christmas. They're never
fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal.
Lenore Hershey
Top Ten Quotes about Books
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You can just hear Santa saying Ho, Ho, Ho, when you receive
your credit card statement in January.
Kate Summers
Money
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The older I get, the younger Santa Claus looks!
Catherine Pulsifer
Birthday Quotes
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I never get to see Santa Claus come down the chimney because I always
get too tired
and fall asleep from eating all his cookies while waiting for him.
Theodore W. Higginsworth
Random
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All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.
Donald Yetter Gardner
Wishes Quotes
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Do not listen to Mrs.Claus about the cookies. My cholesterol is fine.
And I get plenty of exercise on Christmas Eve.
Santa Claus; Amy Newmark, Chicken Soup for the Soul: Merry Christmas!
Health
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The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.
Burton Hillis
Family Quotes
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Christmas is here again. Let us raise a loving cup; Peace on earth,
goodwill to men, and make them do the washing up.
Wendy Cope
Peace
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Let's approach Christmas with an expectant hush,
rather than a last-minute rush.
Author Unknown
Attitude
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My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple:
loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas
to do that?
Bob Hope
Love Quotes
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Christmas is the season when people run out of money before
they run out of friends.
Larry Wilde
Wealth
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Santa's reindeer get around so fast because
they have athletes feet.
Art Linkletters collection of sayings of children, Kids Sure Are Funny
Christmas Poems
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You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things:
a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights.
Maya Angelou
Character
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Instead of buying new cards each year, reuse old Christmas cards
that you have been given. Get creative and funny, cross out the old
sections of handwriting and add your own.
Henry Owen, How to Have a Green Christmas
Creativity Quotes
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