48 Funny Sayings

Many of these funny sayings have been around for years, but they still bring a smile to people’s faces. Need a laugh then read these sayings and also find the wisdom they have to offer.

A smile confuses an approaching frown.
Smile

What happens at Grandma’s . . . stays at Grandma’s. Saying
Grandmother

No cowboy was ever faster on the draw than a grandparent pulling a baby picture out of a wallet.
Grandfather

While the sayings above are funny, when you become a grandparent you understand these words. Being a grandparent is one of life’s hidden treasures. You will find yourself not only having fun but also being silly, laughing at things you would never have imagined. A time of life to look forward to!

The Wright brothers flew right through the smoke screen of impossibility. Charles Kettering
Inspirational Sayings

Cleaning your house while your children are home is a lot like brushing your teeth with Oreos in your mouth.
Funny Quotes

Heaven grant us patience with a man in love. Rudyard Kipling
Patience

“Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.” Nicky Gumbel
Knowledge

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. Chili Davis
Growing Up

Most people fail in life because they major in minor things. Tony Robbins
Famous

Laugh every day.

Laugh every day.
Laughter

It’s a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.
Funny Good Morning Quotes
While these words make us smile, they are also true. We can moan and complain about many things in our lives or we can be happy and thankful for what we have.

I smile because you’re my sister in law, I laugh because you married my brother.
Happy Birthday Sister In Law

Nothing improves the memory more than trying to forget.
Memory

You don't calm the waters by splashing around in them.

You don’t calm the waters by splashing around in them.
Keep Calm

Optimism: A cheerful frame of mind that enables a tea kettle to sing though in hot water up to its nose.
Optimistic

The easiest way to teach children the value of money is to borrow some from them.
Children

The greatest oak was once a little nut who held its ground.
Determination

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
Inspirational Quotes

A house becomes a home when you can write, ‘I love you’ on the furniture.
Home
This is a funny quote but also one that women need to read and take to heart. When you look at the important things in life cleaning the house should not be the top priority!

In the old days, if a person missed the stagecoach he was content to wait a day or two for the next one. Nowadays, we feel frustrated if we miss one section of a revolving door.
Frustration

A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
New Years Resolution

A smile is a powerful weapon; you can even break ice with it.

A smile is a powerful weapon; you can even break ice with it.
Words of Encouragement

You can tell the size of your God by looking at the size of your worry list. The longer your list, the smaller your God.
Worry

Who learns and learns, nor acts on what he knows,
Is one who ploughs and ploughs, but never takes the time to sow.
Funny Poems

The answers to life’s biggest questions are not found on Google.
Question

May your home know happiness, each room hold laughter, every window open to possibilities.
Possibilities

I wonder if we are given kids to teach or to learn from?

I wonder if we are given kids to teach or to learn from?
Learning

Families are like fudge… mostly sweet with a few nuts.
Family

You are born into your family and your family is born into you. No returns. No exchanges. Elizabeth Berg
Family Bonding

Families we all have them. And at times our family drives us crazy. We sometimes look at other families and from the outside, they look perfect to us, and we wonder why can’t my family be like that? However, every family has issues and challenges they face. A saying I often refer to is: “Families are like quilts, although they tend to unravel at times they can be stitched back together with love.” None of us are perfect and that includes our family!

You should never look down on a sister except to pick her up.
Sister

Live like you golf. Don't forget to follow through.

Live like you golf. Don’t forget to follow through.
Live Life
This quote makes me smile but it also contains much wisdom. Doing what we say we are going to do is a critical factor. Just thinking about something or saying something but with no action is truly like playing golf with no clubs – you will never get a good score!

Don’t let anyone become a vacuum and suck thehappiness out of you – pull the plug.
Happiness
Picture a vacuum cleaner, you can see it sucking up the dirt. When you think of people doing this to your mind you laugh. But truly the influence others have on us can and will affect our happiness. If the people in your life drain you, if you don’t feel happy when you are around them, then maybe you should think about changing your friends or limiting your time with those who have a negative impact on you!

It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle.
Funny Birthday Quotes

Every morning you are handed 24 golden hours. If you had all the money in the world, you couldn’t buy an extra hour. What will you do with this priceless treasure?
Time
Do you think of your time as a priceless treasure? Time is something we all have the same amount every day. Doesn’t matter if you are rich or poor, skinny or fat, positive or negative, you do have the same amount of time as everyone else. The difference is how you use it!

It is a wise father who throws away his old report cards.
Father

Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
Age

Friendship is like a bank account; you cannot continue to draw on it without making deposits.
Friendship

You are either the captain or the captive of your thoughts. Denis Waitley
Positive Thinking

That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest. Henry David Thoreau
Wealth

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. Kin Hubbard
Money

Beware of little expenses. A small leak will sink a great ship. Benjamin Franklin
Quotes to Live By

“A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon.” Arnold Haultain
Communication

“Trouble knocked on the door, but hearing laughter, hurried away.” Benjamin Franklin
Trouble

“When fate hands us a lemon, let’s try to make lemonade.” Dale Carnegie
Fate
This famous saying by Dale Carnegie has been quoted thousands of time. People usually smile when they hear it. But if we applied the thinking of no matter what happens in our life – find the good and stay focused on the good – our lives would be different! Our attitude would be positive, our feelings about life would be happier.

The presence of God in the flood is better than a ferry boat. Charles H. Spurgeon
God

Common sense is very uncommon. Horace Greeley
Common Sense

“We have a problem. ‘Congratulations.’ But it’s a tough problem. “Then double congratulations.” W. Clement Stone
Positive Attitude
Problems can stop us in our tracks or they can be the wheels that move us forward. Every problem is an opportunity; some say the opportunity to do your best. You see it is all in how you look at the issue – if you have a negative attitude and only see the problem then you do have trouble. But if you have a positive attitude and see the problem as an opportunity then you will find the solution and no longer have the problem! It is all up to you!

The first man gets the oyster, the second man gets the shell. Andrew Carnegie Some people seem to go through life standing at the complaint counter. Fred Propp Jr
Complaining

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