158 Funny Quotes
Bring a smile to your face with these funny quotes – you will find laughter, humor, and a bit of wisdom in these. Our collection includes funny inspirational and motivational quotations said by some famous people and others. We all need humor in life it helps the challenges that we all sometimes face!
You may find some of them to be motivational because they challenge you thinking in a humorous way but also in a motivating way. Share these with other people to brighten their day and give them a smile!
- You can’t shine like a diamond, if you not willing to get cut like a diamond! Eric Thomas
Inspirational Quotes for Students - The only time I feel light-hearted is when I’m in a plane at 33,000 feet. Robert Rivers
Happy - “A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks.” Charles Gordy
Short Quotes - It is a common delusion that you can make things better by talking about them. Rose MacAulay
Cute Quotes - Many people lose their tempers merely from seeing you keep yours. Frank Moore Colby
Anger - There are three ways in life to become popular: be rich, be beautiful, or be funny. Jon Macks, How to Be Funny
Happiness – Is There A Common Definition - The truth hurts, and so would you if you were stretched as much. Author Unknown
Truth - I don’t have a funny bone in my body; now I know why my surgeon’s bills are so high. Rory R. Cuphist
Health - Being rich is having money; being wealthy is having time. Margaret Bonnano
Time - I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. Maya Angelou
Attitude - I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. Woody Allen
Laughter - “A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor’s book.” Irish Quote
Positive Energy - Life is like a ten-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use. Charles M. Schulz
Live Life - Photography without seeing would be like eating without tasting.David McKay, Photography Demystified
Photography - If you are the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room. Confucius
Smart - “A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.” Phyllis Diller
Quotes That Make You Smile - Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. Will Rogers
Sad Quotes about Life - A business like an automobile, has to be driven, in order to get results. BC Forbes
Determination - Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible’! Audrey Hepburn
Possibilities - Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else. Will Rogers
One Line Quotes on Life - I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet. Gandhi
Mindset - You cannot be anything if you want to be everything. Solomon Schechter
Focus - You can’t cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water. Rabindranath Tagore
Action - Talkers are usually more articulate than doers, since talk is their specialty. Thomas Sowell
Actions Speak Louder Than Words Quotes - I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don’t have to respect anybody. George Burns (at 100 years)
Respect - It is sad to grow old but nice to ripen. Brigitte Bardot
Happy Birthday Wishes - The truth can be funny but it’s not funny to cover up the truth. Ryan Cooper, Difficult People
Honesty - A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it. Bob Hope
Money - “A laugh is a smile that bursts.” Mary H. Waldrip
Short Positive Quotes - They are ill discoverers that think there is no land when they see nothing but sea. Francis Bacon
Thinking - “The best lightning rod for your protection is your own spine.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
Take Action - The moon was full and so close that it seemed we could scoop out some moon ice cream and fill ourselves up on moonbeams.Elif Ekin, Mostly Happy
Moon Quotes - The Lord prefers common-looking people. That is why he made so many of them.” Abraham Lincoln
God - Cause your facial expression to change – smile. Catherine Pulsifer
Change - We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. George Bernard Shaw
Growth - Actually being funny is mostly telling the truth about things. Bernard Sahlins
Meaningful - Today’s opportunities erase yesterday’s failures. Gene Brown
Failure - Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. Bill Vaughan
Happiness - A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright. Lucille Ball
Simple Life Quotes - One fails forward toward success.” Charles Kettering
Motivational Quotes for Students - If you dig a grave for others you may fall into it yourself. Irish Proverbs
Proverbs - Middle age is when you can still do everything you used to do – but you decide you’ll do it tomorrow. Dr. Tom Haggai
Birthday - A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year. Marty Allen
Quote of The Day - “Some people die at twenty-five and aren’t buried until they are seventy-five.” Benjamin Franklin
Life and Death - Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. C.E.M. Joad
Happy Birthday Quotes For Friend - The shortest recorded period of time lies between the minute you put some money away for a rainy day and the unexpected arrival of rain. Jane Bryant Quinn
Self Motivation - If you reach for a star, you might not get one. But you won’t come up with a hand full of mud either. Leo Burnett
Inspirational Quotes - Keep your sense of humor. As General Joe Stillwell said, ‘The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of his behind’. Donald Rumsfeld
Words of Encouragement for Men - For a politician to complain about the press is like a ship’s captain complaining about the sea. Enoch Powell
Great Quotes about Life - If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be. Maya Angelou
Amazing - See the world like a big wardrobe. Everybody has his own costume. There is only one that fits you perfectly. George Harris
Be Yourself - I don’t think God put you on this earth just to make millions of dollars and ignore everything else. Chris Amundsen Helping Others
- You can’t experience simple joys when you’re living life with your hair on fire. Emily Ley
Joy - “The mind is like a clock that is constantly running down. It has to be wound up daily with good thoughts.” Fulton J. Sheen
Daily Inspiration - If your capacity to acquire has outstripped your capacity to enjoy, you are on the way to the scrap-heap. Glen Buck
Funny Quotes about Life - From his neck down a man is worth a couple of dollars a day, from his neck up he is worth anything that his brain can produce. Thomas Edison
Genius - Fire and swords are slow engines of destruction, compared to the tongue of a gossip. Richard Steele
Gossip - Women are like teabags. We don’t know our true strength until we are in hot water! Eleanor Roosevelt
Overcoming - My father taught me a good lesson: Don’t get to low when things go wrong. And don’t get too high when things are good. Robert Perish
Life Lessons - New Year’s resolutions work like this: you think of something you enjoy doing and then resolve to stop doing it. Charlie Brooker
New Year - “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.” Bette Reese
Funny Graduation Quotes - Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. William James
Common Sense - Everyone has an invisible sign hanging from his neck saying, Make Me Feel Important! Never forget this when working with people. Mary Kay Ash
Work - Yoga is the fountain of youth. You’re only as young as your spine is flexible.Bob Harper
Yoga - Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair. George Burns
Wise - You need to be comfortable with you. Stop worrying about the couple in the corner who may or may not be looking at you funny. Willow Cross, Getting Over It
Comfort Zone - Tension is a habit. Relaxing is a habit. Bad habits can be broken, good habits formed. William James
Habit - How can they say my life is not a success? Have I not for more than sixty years gotten enough to eat and escaped being eaten? Logan Pearsall Smith
Age - “Chasing success is like trying to squeeze a handful of water. The tighter you squeeze, the less water you get. When you chase it, your life becomes the chase, and you become a victim of always wanting more.” Wayne W. Dyer, Everyday Wisdom For Success
Chasing Dreams - Folks die to easy – they sort of fade away;
Make a little error, and give up in dismay.
Mabel E. Bailey, Keep Your Grit
Poems about Perseverance - Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. Billy Sunday
Church - Isn’t it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists? RAJ Phillips
Humor - People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an election. Otto von Bismarck
War - In every dream journey there comes a moment when you have to quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death. Mark Batterson, Chase the Lion
Journey - You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms to full to embrace the present. Jan Glidewell
Forgiveness - People who are wrapped up in themselves make small packages. Benjamin Franklin
Depression - “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” Zig Ziglar
Motivational - You cannot soar with the eagles as long as you hang out with the turkeys. Joel Osteen
Words of Encouragement - Without enthusiasm, your sales talk is about as dead as last year’s turkey. Dale Carnegie
Motivational Sales - When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. Franklin Roosevelt
Winning - I should be a postage stamp. That’s the only way I’ll ever get licked! Muhammad Ali
Funny Good Morning Quotes - “You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.” Walt Disney
Funny Sayings - Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s needs, but not every man’s greed. Gandhi
Cool - You want to be a millionaire. But your values system says you believe in sleep more than grinding! Eric Thomas
Actions Speak Louder Than Words - Spring is the time of year when it is summer in the sun and winter in the shade. Charles Dickens, Great Expectations
Sunshine - You can practice shooting 8 hours a day, but if your technique is wrong, then all you become is very good at shooting the wrong way. Michael Jordan
Practice - I don’t want to be a genius – I have enough problems just trying to be a man. Albert Camus
Problem - Nothing in the world is ever completely wrong. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. Paulo Coelho
Motivational Quotes About Life - “Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.” Mark Twain
Smile - Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one. Bill Gates
Funny Work Quotes - You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights. Maya Angelou
Funny Christmas Quotes - ” . . . I ask people if an elephant has ever bitten them. Most of the time people say no. But everyone has been bitten by a mosquito. It’s the little things that get us.” David DeNotaris
Positive Life - Money is like manure, of very little use except it be spread.
Francis Bacon
Random - Enthusiasm is the leaping lightning, not to be measured by the horse-power of the understanding. Ralph Waldo Emerson
Enthusiasm - Asking is the beginning of receiving. Make sure you don’t go to the ocean with a teaspoon. At least take a bucket so the kids won’t laugh at you. Jim Rohn
Ocean - An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last. Winston S. Churchill
Violence - Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn’t know that so it goes on flying anyway. Mary Kay
Cute Life Quotes - No one has ever become poor by giving. Anne Frank
Giving - I am not funny. My writers were funny. My direction was funny. The situations were funny. But I am not funny. I am not funny. What I am is brave. Lucille Ball
Courage - Do not hold to what you have. It is like a ferry boat for people who want to get across waters. Once you have got across, never bear it on your back. You should head forward. Bruce Lee
Moving Forward - “Life is the movie you see through your own eyes. It makes little difference what’s happening out there. It’s how you take it that counts.” Denis Waitley
Inspirational Thoughts - “Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you’re alive, it isn’t.” Richard Bach
Famous - Remember that the most beautiful things in the world are the most useless: peacocks and lilies for instance. John Ruskin
Beautiful - Sixty years ago a gentleman wouldn’t go to work without a hat on; ten years ago they stopped wearing ties. Now you don’t have to go into work to go to work, so who knows what people are wearing…and who cares?!Shaa Wasmund, Stop Talking, Start Doing
Work From Home - We humans are a silly bunch. We spend half our time trying to fit in with the crowd and the other half trying to stand out from it. Nick Vujicic
Self Esteem - Can I give you a handful of laughter, a smidgen of giggles to boot, a cupful of tease and a comical sneeze, followed by a hilarious hoot. John McLeod, A Handful of Laughter
Funny Poems - “Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbour’s roof when your own doorstep is unclean.” Confucius
Complaining - To die laughing must be the most glorious of all glorious deaths! Edgar Allan Poe
Death - He knows nothing; he thinks he knows everything – that clearly points to a political career. George Bernard Shaw
Knowledge - If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign? Albert Einstein
Top Ten Quotes - Did you ever notice how difficult it is to argue with someone who is not obsessed with being right? Wayne Dyer
Encouraging - Years ago there was belief that the world was flat. People were born into that belief and they took it on faith that if they went too far from the shoreline in a boat they would fall off the earth. Columbus sailed on. Les Brown
Believe - Happen to things, don’t let things happen to you. Stephen Covey
Opportunity - Life is a hurdle race, the winner has to cross all the hurdles and still maintain enthusiasm. M.K. Soni
Overcoming Obstacles - Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe. Abraham Lincoln
Preparation - “I don’t want problems solved for me. I want the fishing rod, not the fish.” Yanni
Words of Encouragement for Kids - A bore is a person who opens his mouth and puts his feats in it. Henry Ford
Clever - It’s always too early to quit. Norman Vincent Peale
Never Quit - Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. Groucho Marx
Fate - Lower your expectations of earth. This isn’t heaven, so don’t expect it to be. Max Lucado
Motivational Quotes about Life - Give me a stock clerk with a goal, and I will give you someone who will make history. Give me someone without a goal, and I will give you a stock clerk J.C. Penny
Goals - Sports are the reason I am out of shape. I watch them all on TV. Thomas Sowell
Sports - An occasional coffee drinker: I only really like it because it gives me an excuse to eat dessert. Sebastien; Racineux; Chung-Leng Tran, Coffee Isn’t Rocket Science
Coffee - Interest without activity is similar to having a vehicle that is out of gas – it won’t take you anyplace. Eimantas Gabalis, How To Get Smarter
Best Quotes - Without the will or desire to achieve one is like flotsam on the oceans of time. Steven Redhead
Willpower - Why was the turkey allowed to join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks! Hayden Fox, The Try Not To Laugh Challenge
A Riddle - Humor helps build connections and relationships in ways that few other social interactions can. Gregory Peart, You Can Be Funny and Make People Laugh
Relationship - Laughter is subjective. What’s funny is whatever makes you laugh. No questions, no arguments. If it makes you laugh, it’s funny . . . to you. Steven Kaplan, The Hidden Tools of Comedy
Laughter Is The Best Medicine - The reason why people give up so fast is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, instead of how far they have come. Nicky Gumbel
Giving Up - The fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from one who does. Proverb
Funny Proverbs - The Romans described the hippopotamus as a fire-breathing river horse that sweated blood. Lucy Cooke, The Unexpected Truth About Animals
Animal - Each child is as different as you and I. Therefore, I believe there isn’t a one-method-fits-all strategy, no matter how appealing that idea might sound (sorry Gina Ford). Giovanna Fletcher, Happy Mum, Happy Baby
Motherhood - Quality is more than important than quantity. One home run is much better than two doubles. Steve Jobs
Quality - Why hoard your troubles? They have no market value, so just throw them away. Ann Schade
Trouble - Procrastination is an art form that is less desirable than painting a detailed landscape using a three inch wide brush. Byron Pulsifer
Procrastination - Without a plan of action to put how a dream is envisioned to play out is like pouring out of picture of water on the ground and expecting it to stay in on the surface of the ground. Catherine Pulsifer, Living The Dream
Dream - Negative people aren’t concentrating their bad energy to be shared with only you. … Mosquitos aren’t going to bite just you; they are going to go after the easiest available blood. Barb Bailey, How to Detach from Negative People
Negative People - Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things. George Carlin
Tolerance - Doing nothing is not as easy as it looks. You have to be careful because the idea of doing anything which could easily lead to doing something that could cut into your nothing and that would force me to have to drop everything. Jerry Seinfeld
Motivational Quote for Kids - I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam. George Carlin
Famous Quotes about Life - Turning our abilities from stagnate puddles to rushing rivers can happen when we apply ourselves to the task. Warren Philip Gates, Success and the Powerful Introvert
Positive - Our minds are like monkeys, swinging from one thought to another like monkeys on a tree. As a result, we always feel as if a sense of order, balance, awareness and concentration elude us, because we are always doing, always acting. Debeena Harris, Mindfulness: Mindfulness For Beginners
Positive Thinking - An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today. Laurence J. Peter
Future - Remember that sometimes people laugh when something is actually funny, but often they laugh when they lack the imagination to understand the situation. John Barrett, SoS-Life Enhancement
Imagination - One of the most successful ways companies get the consumer’s attention is by presenting the product in a funny or emotional way. Arlene Battishill, Retail Shock Therapy
Success - Establishing goals is all right if you don’t let them deprive you of interesting detours. Doug Larsen
Goal Setting - Build on what makes you different from your competition. . . � You need to be the red tree in the forest. Nick Maley, The Do or Do Not Outlook
Graduation - To Retirement! It’s nice to get out of the rat race, But you have to learn to get along with less cheese. Gene Perret
Retirement - “You only need listen to yourselves. It reminds me of an old proverb: ‘If and When were planted, and Nothing grew’.” Catherine Pulsifer, If and When Were Planted
Listening - “It is difficult, but not impossible, to conduct strictly honest business.” Mahatma Gandhi
Motivational Quotes for Work - The trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score. Bill Copeland
Life Goals - Visualize something totally funny or crazy! This will instantly change how you feel because you can’t visualize two things at the same time. Mark Snyder, Developing Good Habits
Vision - If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be meetings. Dave Barry
Achievement - A funny thing happens when we start keeping promises to ourselves – we become unstoppable. Ken Fite, The Dash
Purpose - I am not an advocate of pity parties. They allow you to wallow in misery and drag yourself even further into the depths of woe. But sometimes having a good cry is like changing the oil in your car. You got 3000 miles out of that batch, now you have 3000 miles to go before another. Sandra Bullock Smith, Trading Places
Positive Attitude - Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account. Oscar Wilde
New Year Resolution - Water’s like me. It’s lazy. Boy, it always looks for the easiest way to do things. Bob Ross
Funny Retirement Quotes - To be taught to read -what is the use of that, if you know not whether what you read is false or true? John Ruskin
Truth
Short Funny Quotes
Funny Inspirational Quotes
Famous Funny Quotes
You will recognize the famous people who said these quotes. People who have had success in life, and one of their secrets to success is humor!
Funny Motivational Quotes
We hope you have enjoyed our collection of funny quotations and that they have brought a smile to your face. Share them with other people who could use a smile and a bit of encouragement this day! There is a famous quote said by e. e. cummings,”The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.”
More Quotes to Make You Smile and Inspire You
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